We're Moving.
We're moving.
I've mulled this decision over and over (and over and over again) for a couple months, and I made the final decision a number of weeks ago now, but it feels so hard to actually type out those words and admit to my myself that it's actually happening. In August, D'Assise and I will be moving from Rubengera, in Rwanda's western countryside, to the capital city, Kigali. D'Assise has been struggling a bit at his school here, and the decision is purely based on sending him to a different school in Kigali, with smaller class sizes and an American curriculum.
I tried to find any other way that we would be able to keep living here while getting D'Assise more support in school, but I exhausted my options. Boarding him in Kigali would have been way too hard on me (I'm already freaking out about him going to college...in 10 years). After I finished my Peace Corps service and before I adopted D'Assise, I would only get to see him on weekends, and it was never enough. I felt like he was growing up too fast and I was missing everything. Getting him additional tutoring also wasn't really an option: his school day is currently 7 am until 5 pm, and then he gets tutored in French for an hour after he gets home from school already, which leaves little time for any additional tutoring. Moving to Kigali made the most sense when I considered his best interests long-term.
The initial plan was to live in rural Western Rwanda until D'Assise went into high school, and then to make the move to the city. When I adopted D'Assise, I carefully weighed whether to stay in southwestern Rwanda near the Congo border, where I served as a Peace Corps Volunteer and where D'Assise grew up, or to move to Rubengera, where we currently live now in western Rwanda, or to move to Kigali. My friend Diana even made a detailed decision matrix with these three location options, with different weighting for various important factors (although if my memory serves me well, "proximity to Auntie Diana" was the most heavily weighted factor). To be honest, I feel a little bit guilty about the move--like I should have chosen better when I initially adopted him.
I think this decision has been so difficult because so many things about our life right now are truly wonderful, and both D'Assise and I are happy exactly where we are. We have a small house that really feels like our home. If I could pick this three-room house up and move it with us everywhere for the rest of our life, I probably would.
It's one of the most beautiful natural settings I've ever seen, with lush, rolling green hills, stunning sunsets over Lake Kivu, and lightning rippling over the Congo mountains in the distance at night.
My office is literally a five minute walk away from our house, and I feel fulfilled in so many ways here, professionally and personally.
D'Assise also has so much freedom here--I don't worry about setting up play dates for him or about him getting hit by a car. He can do what he wants on weekends as long as he's back by dark, and he often spends Saturdays exploring the nearby hills and forests, or playing basketball with his friends. It's hard to walk away from a happy place.
I have a lot of worries about our move, even though deep down I know it will probably all be fine. How will D'Assise handle the move (he's never lived in a city before)? Will he like his new school? Will he make new friends? Will I make new friends?
One of my biggest fears is parenting by myself. I realized the other day that I have never parented alone even though I've been a single mom for nearly two years now, and D'Assise has lived in a community his entire life. At the convent, D'Assise had 9 parents including the nuns and myself, and here in our compound, there are about 25 community members. Most of our meals are cooked and eaten communally, and every Friday night is spent at pizza night with my friends and colleagues. I'm not sure I remember how to cook for less than 15 people.
When D'Assise is feeling grumpy, a community member is nearly always able to cheer him up. Last week, D'Assise told me one night that he really wanted to make guacamole for communal dinner the next day. I completely forget the following day and made some myself, and D'Assise was devastated when he walked into the kitchen. I tried telling him that it was okay and that he could make guacamole next time, but he was on the verge of tears and I couldn't manage to cheer him up. Thinking quickly, I told D'Assise he could make some more, and whispered to my friends to act psyched when he brought it to the table. They went along with it, and D'Assise couldn't stop talking about how everyone loved his guacamole. Community members for the win!
On the bright side, a lot of my worries about the move have been calmed by the fact that D'Assise is probably the most chill kid alive (and definitely more chill than his mother) and has an incredible ability to roll with the punches. I fretted for a couple weeks over how to tell him we were moving (should I take him on a walk? On our morning bike ride to school? Should I be serious or just casually drop it into our conversation?). Then one morning, I talked to our tutor/nanny about moving to Kigali with us and asked him not to tell D'Assise about the move yet because I hadn't told him. Something was clearly lost in translation because that day I came home from work and the very first words out of D'Assise's mouth were, "WE'RE MOVING TO KIGALI?!"
Oops.
I was caught off guard, but asked D'Assise how he felt about moving.
"GREAT, NEW FRIENDS!"he replied, absolutely beaming.
"Will you miss your old friends?" I asked, thinking of how hard it was for me to move as a kid.
"Yeah, but I'm going to make a lot of new ones too," he replied nonchalantly.
Here's to missing old friends and this fantastic community, but making new friends (and strengthening existing friendships!)
I've mulled this decision over and over (and over and over again) for a couple months, and I made the final decision a number of weeks ago now, but it feels so hard to actually type out those words and admit to my myself that it's actually happening. In August, D'Assise and I will be moving from Rubengera, in Rwanda's western countryside, to the capital city, Kigali. D'Assise has been struggling a bit at his school here, and the decision is purely based on sending him to a different school in Kigali, with smaller class sizes and an American curriculum.
I tried to find any other way that we would be able to keep living here while getting D'Assise more support in school, but I exhausted my options. Boarding him in Kigali would have been way too hard on me (I'm already freaking out about him going to college...in 10 years). After I finished my Peace Corps service and before I adopted D'Assise, I would only get to see him on weekends, and it was never enough. I felt like he was growing up too fast and I was missing everything. Getting him additional tutoring also wasn't really an option: his school day is currently 7 am until 5 pm, and then he gets tutored in French for an hour after he gets home from school already, which leaves little time for any additional tutoring. Moving to Kigali made the most sense when I considered his best interests long-term.
* * *
Even though the decision has been made and I have a house and school set up for us in Kigali, and I'll luckily be continuing in my same job, I can't help but think to myself, "This wasn't the plan."
The initial plan was to live in rural Western Rwanda until D'Assise went into high school, and then to make the move to the city. When I adopted D'Assise, I carefully weighed whether to stay in southwestern Rwanda near the Congo border, where I served as a Peace Corps Volunteer and where D'Assise grew up, or to move to Rubengera, where we currently live now in western Rwanda, or to move to Kigali. My friend Diana even made a detailed decision matrix with these three location options, with different weighting for various important factors (although if my memory serves me well, "proximity to Auntie Diana" was the most heavily weighted factor). To be honest, I feel a little bit guilty about the move--like I should have chosen better when I initially adopted him.
I think this decision has been so difficult because so many things about our life right now are truly wonderful, and both D'Assise and I are happy exactly where we are. We have a small house that really feels like our home. If I could pick this three-room house up and move it with us everywhere for the rest of our life, I probably would.
 |
| A few pictures of our little house |
It's one of the most beautiful natural settings I've ever seen, with lush, rolling green hills, stunning sunsets over Lake Kivu, and lightning rippling over the Congo mountains in the distance at night.
 |
| I mean....come on |
 |
| Office views |
 |
* * * |
One of my biggest fears is parenting by myself. I realized the other day that I have never parented alone even though I've been a single mom for nearly two years now, and D'Assise has lived in a community his entire life. At the convent, D'Assise had 9 parents including the nuns and myself, and here in our compound, there are about 25 community members. Most of our meals are cooked and eaten communally, and every Friday night is spent at pizza night with my friends and colleagues. I'm not sure I remember how to cook for less than 15 people.
 |
| D'Assise "helping" make pizza at Friday pizza night |
It was this amazing community in Rubengera that welcomed D'Assise and I in our first two years as family. It was here that we celebrated the adoption, surrounded by friends and colleagues. If I need to work late, there's always someone around to keep an eye on D'Assise. When I got malaria last year and was bedridden for about a week, my friends here made sure everything was okay with D'Assise and brought me food.
When D'Assise is feeling grumpy, a community member is nearly always able to cheer him up. Last week, D'Assise told me one night that he really wanted to make guacamole for communal dinner the next day. I completely forget the following day and made some myself, and D'Assise was devastated when he walked into the kitchen. I tried telling him that it was okay and that he could make guacamole next time, but he was on the verge of tears and I couldn't manage to cheer him up. Thinking quickly, I told D'Assise he could make some more, and whispered to my friends to act psyched when he brought it to the table. They went along with it, and D'Assise couldn't stop talking about how everyone loved his guacamole. Community members for the win!
On the bright side, a lot of my worries about the move have been calmed by the fact that D'Assise is probably the most chill kid alive (and definitely more chill than his mother) and has an incredible ability to roll with the punches. I fretted for a couple weeks over how to tell him we were moving (should I take him on a walk? On our morning bike ride to school? Should I be serious or just casually drop it into our conversation?). Then one morning, I talked to our tutor/nanny about moving to Kigali with us and asked him not to tell D'Assise about the move yet because I hadn't told him. Something was clearly lost in translation because that day I came home from work and the very first words out of D'Assise's mouth were, "WE'RE MOVING TO KIGALI?!"
Oops.
I was caught off guard, but asked D'Assise how he felt about moving.
"GREAT, NEW FRIENDS!"he replied, absolutely beaming.
"Will you miss your old friends?" I asked, thinking of how hard it was for me to move as a kid.
"Yeah, but I'm going to make a lot of new ones too," he replied nonchalantly.
Here's to missing old friends and this fantastic community, but making new friends (and strengthening existing friendships!)
Kigali, brace yourself. We're coming for ya.
You are such a great mom, Claire! You are doing what will be best for your son’s future, even though it’s hard for you now, and agonizing over the decision, and look at how he reacted. It will all be good! The next step in your lifelong adventure. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHaha... guess you didnt have to tell him!
ReplyDeleteHi Claire!
ReplyDeleteI stumbled across your blog while doing some research about Rwanda. I'm considering doing a study abroad program there my junior year (I'm also an ND student, as it would turn out -- small world!), and your blog has been a big help as to shedding light on what it's like to live there.
I look forward to continue reading your posts!
(I also have a blog, if you have any interest in checking it out -- lensembledujour.com. It's about fashion, so I don't know if it really interests you much, but I'd nonetheless love it if you wanted to give it a look!)